By: Dr. Lisa M. Coffey
October 3, 2021
Key Words: Love language, relationships, assessment, affirmation, communication, affection, service, gifts
Well, here it is, my first blog post about love: ugh, the dreaded topic. At the moment, I am laughing out loud at myself and questioning, what do I know about love? If you have been following my journey and reading my book, iDid and uCan 2, I proclaim the book is a self-discovery process, and that learning is a continuous cycle. I have not mastered love and relationships, yet I am hopeful that my Mr. and I will find each other before the reliance on Depends undergarments. Human connections and interpersonal relationships are essential to our lives and well-being. Therefore, I press on since my goal is to balance the four pillars of Foundation, Faith, Finance, and Future in my life.
Bored in a hotel with nothing else to do, I took to one of those online free quizzes on the subject of love language. I had a mixed reaction to the results. After further analysis, the results truly reflect who I am as a person. However, I believe seeing the results in writing will help me navigate a relationship. My love language is defined in this order:
Words of affirmation 27%
Quality time 23%
Acts of service 23%
Physical touch 20%
Receiving gifts 7%
Words of affirmation are important to me, and according to the quiz more than actions. I realize with this result that I am carrying emotional baggage and scars from previous relationships. Confidence comes from within and not from others, but in "love relationships," I need affirmations the most like, “I love you,” “You are beautiful,” or “I am proud of you.” I am confident the need for affirmation comes from prior relationship failures. There are passages in my book that address this topic. Yikes!
Quality time is what I thought I valued the most. I am a busy person, and my plate is always full. So, I will appreciate spending quality time with the man in my life when I get one. What does quality mean? To me, quality means uninterrupted time building a friendship as the foundation, listening to one another, laughing together, being supportive, enjoying activities of mutual interest and downtime (Netflix and chill) to disconnect from the rigors of everyday life.
As a "faithful and obedient servant leader," I expected acts of service to be high on my love language list. However, although I am a strong independent woman, receiving acts of service from the man in my life is essential. For me, when the man in my life is willing to assist me with projects, large or small, he expresses an interest in making my load lighter and expresses his love and care for my goodwill.
Whew! Physical touch is important! Affection and expression are essential to me. But I also believe everything has an appropriate time and place. Call me old-fashioned, and that's all I have to say about that, in my Forrest Gump voice.
Receiving gifts is the final component of my love language with the least response rate. Gifts are great, but the pathway to my heart is through authentic communication, quality time, laughter, genuine care, and support. I promise to give the same in return. Understanding my love language just might help me after all. Have you ever heard the saying, "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime?" I've had the reason, and plenty seasons, but where are you, Mr. lifetime? At the age of 55, don’t be afraid of the word lifetime, real talk!
The question remains, with whom will my love language align? I have torn down the self-imposed walls around my heart. The anticipation of laughter, light-spirited conversation, and playful banter is what I look forward to as we slowly build what could be a remarkable friendship and maybe everlasting love. The important antecedent to this story is my willingness to open my heart to allow the possibility of a happily ever after to occur, I am a hopeless romantic. Who knows what the future holds? For now, I enjoy a flirtatious two-way friendships with sparks and spirit fingers, that’s the cheer coach in me writing. Relationships must align on a two way street and we can only build with those who are free to engage without boundaries. Do not sell yourself short for someone who is unwilling and unavailable.
I am not advocating that the results of the quiz contain all of the answers to your love language questions, but it was an enlightening experiment. Take the quiz by clicking the link and discover your love language.
Do you know your love language? Take the quiz and analyze your results. How can these results help you in your relationship/marriage?
Northfield Publishing. (2021, September 15). The Love Language Quiz. Retrieved from 5 Love Languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
© 2021 Lisa M. Coffey